Family Contact

My mom was my only family contact back home yesterday. No one else called me, but they were at her house and I could have talked to them. It's fine.

My dh's family did not call him at all. He didn't call his mom. His older brother has not talked to him or responded to any of his texts since dh told him he was going to sell their dad's gun that he'd inherited. This happened a couple months ago. Isn't that a bit petty? I can understand the brother's point of view, but it's now my dh's gun, and if he wants to trade it or sell it, he's allowed to. I am kind of dreading Christmas with his family this year. It will be very sad and we will be lonesome without his father.

Christmas Idea

I would love to give my sisters' Christmas gifts to them in these boxes. Too bad they are so expensive. Yes, they could keep them for nostalgic purposes, but I just don't want to spend the extra money on that. Plus, we will be traveling 12 hours, so the less we have to transport, the better.

If I can find a couple of cheap ones, I may go ahead and do it. I'd love to see their reactions. It would be so cool to do!

A Good Day

I got the chance to meet a great lady last night whom I have met on a wonderful site. She and her husband are in town to visit his family, so I got to meet her, him and some of their friends and family. We had a great time. (It would have been better if my head hadn't been pounding. I had one of my usual bad headaches. Ugh.) We didn't get home until 11:30. It's been awhile since we've done that.

Today we went to watch Ol.d Do.gs at 11:20. It was a cute movie. After we got home we put the turkey breast in his smoker and it took a few hours. The wait paid off. It was good! I also made St.ove T.op dressing (easier than to make it from scratch for only two people), broccoli casserole and a pineapple upside down cake. It was tasty.

We may hit the road and go to Mo.bile or somewhere tomorrow. I hesitate to go shopping in any stores until tomorrow afternoon. There's no way I am getting up to be somewhere at 3:00 in the morning. That's for the birds!

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I am very, very thankful for all of you ladies and the support you've given me for the past couple of years. It's been amazing! I don't know what I would do without you gals (and Harry S. Truman).

Depression

I have been down lately. It has been affecting my physical and mental well being. I didn't even put two and two together. Duh. I am depressed. Maybe it's been brewing for awhile. I suppose it has. I've been in a fog the past few days. It stinks. I don't enjoy much of anything right now. I am glad we aren't going to visit family as it would be pretty tough riding in a car for 12 hours, spending time running around for a couple days then driving 12 hours back. We'd be worn out and have a day or two to recover before going back to work next week.

Sometimes I just don't want to have to care about anything. I don't have the fight inside myself. I sure don't feel like fighting. I just want to give up. My Faith will take over and I will be the stronger for it. Sigh.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

CD 18

I am on cd18. I've had a bit of ewcm and my stomach is crampy and my lower back even hurts. I sure hope this means I am dropping a good one. We did bd last night. After four years of ttc, I know what the outcome will be. I hope and pray that I will be pleasantly surprised someday, somehow. My boobs are also getting achy, so I have either ovulated or am getting ready to.

I used to be able to figure out when af would visit for future months. This past year, I can't do it. I ovulate so much later than I used to and my lp is so wonky. I don't even try to figure it out anymore. At least I won't have to deal with the witch during the holidays. In years past, I would get af every Thanksgiving and every Christmas.

Faith

I have been thinking a lot more about Faith and how much I have inside. My Faith is keeping my hope afloat. While the pain is sharper right now, my Faith is stronger. I think I am letting my guard down and trying to put my self-preservation aside. I feel more complete. I would rather have the harder times if it means my Faith is strengthening. How else could I make it through?

I know I will become a mother. It will happen.


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My dh mentioned getting his mom a necklace, or making one for her with her sons' and grandchildrens' birth stones and leaving one empty for our kid. If we left one that way, she'd probably think we were trying to tell her something, so we decided against it. (I was flabbergasted that he even thought about adding one for our future baby! If you knew my husband and how hard this ttc has been on me, you would know exactly how I feel and what I mean. He's come such a long way. He talked about it more and more today.)

Thanksgiving Traditions

*Before we moved, we would spend Thanksgiving with our families. I am kind of sad that we are so far away from them this year. Dh and I may go somewhere Wednesday or Friday. I wasn't going to cook on Thursday, but I have to. It won't seem like Thanksgiving if I don't. I am not doing much, though. (Is it petty for me to wonder why no one from work has invited us to celebrate with them?)

*When we celebrate with dh's family, we eat at his grandparents' house with his close relatives (all of whom live within half a mile of each other, save one cousin and her family and us).

*Why is that my brother-in-law and dh's cousin, who have been unattached/unmarried for awhile and never take any food to share, yet they are always the ones to complain about the food that has been prepared? Heaven forbid if we put onions in anything that are larger than small dice.

*Why do my brothers-in-law insist on calling me "DJ's wife"? (Yes, that's dh's name.) They never have called me by my first name.

*His grandparents have a dining table that seats eight people comfortably, and a kitchen table that seats about six, which is where the kids eat. It's always the same people that get to eat at the dining table. It's all the parents (his mom, dad, aunts, uncles and his cousin who is the youngest one and her husband and kid) and even sometimes dh's niece or nephew sit there. We are always relegated to sitting in the sunken living room. It's quieter down there anyway. On the off chance we actually get to sit at the "big people table", we are surprised. That only happens when his cousin, her husband and their kid are at her in-laws' along with her parents. It's nice when that happens. It's so much quieter and peaceful. (This cousin is the one who got pregnant a few years ago because apparently, "She never was good at taking her medication." Yeah, she skips a couple pills and gets pregnant. Must be nice.)

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My dh is a private person. He doesn't call his mom often, and she calls him about the same, whereas I talk to my mom at least once or twice a week and we text. I asked him if he mentioned it to his mom about our IUI. He didn't. He doesn't want to call his grandma because he doesn't have anything good to tell her. He doesn't want to talk about his job he doesn't like or the fact that we can't get pregnant with help. He just doesn't call. Is your dh this way? I tried to tell him that she wants to hear from him anyway. She called last week, and the call dropped when I was talking to her. He hasn't called her back and she hasn't called back that I know of.

I am glad I have you all to vent to and make you endure my laborious posts. If I didn't have you, I would be much more miserable.

I am thankful for all of you.