Next Step?

Seeing as my husband's sperm analysis was less than stellar when we did our IUI, I am going to make him an appointment to see a urologist. I do wonder why his morphology was at  2%  it was 4% in August, even though he'd stopped drinking as much and started exercising more and taking his vitamins and supplements again.

Should we go ahead with making an appointment? It's worth knowing, isn't it? I don't like the feeling of being out of control with this.

Even though I had gotten my hopes up more than ever, I am feeling hopeful still. I cannot shake this hopeful feeling. I had the self-preservation perfected, and I guess I have figured out how to keep hope at the same time. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I am not really angry that it didn't work. I am very let down, yes, but not angry. I cannot be angry with God. I've come to far to take it all back now. That made me into a very bitter and poor person. I do not want to be that person again.

I am going to see if our insurance covers urology, which I am fairly certain it does, as long as it's diagnostic. We can save up for his surgery if he needs it. In the mean time, we are going to work on saving money and getting ourselves healthy in all respects.

I haven't been to the gym in weeks, so as soon as af is gone, I am heading back.

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I have signed up for a group called "Girls' Night Out" that just started here. It's for new ladies to the area to find new friends. I am really looking forward to it. Maybe I can get connections to a new job too! I hope there aren't too many conversations that revolve around kids. From what I could tell from the ladies' profiles, some of them are single, so that should help lessen the chance.

Stupid Chart

Why was this the shortest cycle I've had in so long? My lp was about a day shorter than it normally is on an unmedicated cycle. Even though I was on progesterone supplements, I started spotting Friday afternoon and af hit yesterday, full force, even though I hadn't been off the supplements for more than a day. I don't know if that's normal or not. I thought it was going to take a few days longer to get af after stopping the progesterone.
I hate looking at all those positives then the stupid head negative. Really. Where's the justice in that?!

There is no telling when I will ovulate this cycle. I am sure it will be around cd21. My body aggravates me! We are just going to bd until I know I've o'ed. We all know how far that's gotten us. Heck, I can't get pregnant with help, much less without!

Misinformation

http://boards.webmd.com/webx?THDX@@.89e911b4!thdchild=.89e911b4

This isn't the first time the lady who is responding has said something to the effect of it being possible to get pregnant while menstruating. She's even said that yes, a woman can be pregnant and still have her period. I have given up trying to straighten it out for people. Am I incorrect, or is she?

Isn't it essentially a lpd if one ovulates so close to her period? While I do understand that it *could* be possible to ovulate while a woman is on her period, the odds have to be very, very low. The body isn't made to work that way, is it?

Out For A Jog

Out For A Jog

I bet she wheezes when she tries to breathe. She can't even support her own weight!

Christmas Cards

I would like to send out cards for Christmas. Please let me know your address. Respond to my blog. I won't post your address.

You Ladies Are the GREATEST!

I could not have gotten through all of this without you. Your genuine friendship means so much to me. I really needed your hugs and you came through, and you don't even know me except through this blog and certain sites. It's amazing how much support a person can get from people she's never even met.

The rest of this will be bullets. I've got so much churning through my mind right now.

---The hardest part for me to deal with right now, besides the fact that it didn't work, is that my dh was sad too. That broke my heart into a million pieces. It still does. This was the first cycle, to my knowledge, that he actually really cared about the outcome. I told him I was sorry it didn't work. He did really well to comfort me. He's not one for much talking, unless I ask him directly, so he just held me and caressed my hair. He's such a great man.

---Last night, in order to dull the pain, we went to eat and I had a beer, as I am not much of a drinker; food works just as well, if not better for me.

---The only baby in the whole restaurant was seated in the booth right behind me. How's that for a kick while I'm down? As they walked past, I saw my dh look at her. My dh even expresses sarcastic bitterness about people and their babies. HE ROCKS!

---With cycles in the past, I would have become angry with God. I didn't this time. I prayed for strength and comfort if it didn't work, and he gave that to me. I am very thankful for that. He's helped me through this so much and I am proud of myself for giving it to him instead of keeping it all to myself.

---I still wonder why I had those positive tests. Was it a chemical pregnancy or was it just the trigger still there just to make me feel like a real big jerk?

---I still feel like a complete idiot for getting worked up over those tests. People were telling me that the trigger should have been gone by a certain day. For what ever reason, I was still getting bfps until Thursday evening. That really sucks.

---Guess who is already showing up. Yep, my red badge (vadge) of courage. It takes a strong woman to put up with that witch month after month, especially when she's an uninvited guest! Today is 13dpIUI.

---Today I hope to get some things up for sale on Ebay or maybe work on a yard sale. If I make any money, I am going to open a new account and it's going to be going toward future treatments and cycles. My RE wants to give me a cycle off then she wants to have another visit. I may wait until I have the cash saved up for another IUI. There's no way on Earth we can do IVF and adoption is still off the table. Dh won't "raise someone else's kid", as he puts it. That's a whole other can of worms for us.

THANK YOU LADIES AGAIN. YOU'RE SO AWESOME!!!

Thank You All.

It was negative.